Now You Understand
by Dalek's Anonymous
Summary: After his 5th year Harry tries to get his friends to understand him.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter it belongs to J.K. Rowling and the lyrics in this song belong to Linkin Park

AN The song in this is Breaking The Habit by Linkin Park I recommend listening to that before reading this.

Now You Understand

Harry Potter sat in his room at Number 4 Privet Drive looking at the ceiling. He'd just finished his 5th year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, like all years it was eventful to say the least, but it was worse then most, for he lost the person who was like a father to him. He lost Sirius and it was his fault.

His friends had been writing to him all summer but he hadn't replied in fact he had cut himself off from that world, he couldn't face it for that world didn't understand him and he wasn't sure they ever would.

He sat there knowing that tonight they would come for him Remus had owled him telling him that tonight he would leave Privet drive with then and he would the have to join the world he couldn't cope in, he hadn't tried to explain that in that world he was suffocating, they didn't see and he didn't know how to make them.

Then Harry realised it, he quickly ran down stairs and out of the house, his Aunt screaming something about being careful.

Despite popular belief Harry didn't mind his summers at Privet drive it was a time to think and be normal which was something he needed, he had friends here, some people that he knew and were always happy to see him, even if he did spend most of the year at a school he never spoke about.

Harry ran across the road to Number 8 Privet Drive to see a friend about a dog. (AN I always wanted to say that, well back to the story)

Harry knocked on the door his friend Matt opened it.

"Well if it isn't Hazza long time no see." Matt was always trying to think of a nickname for Harry but so far it hadn't turned out well.

"Matt good to see you, umm can I ask a favour?" Harry felt a little uncomfortable now, he hadn't seen Matt for months and the first time he saw him was to ask a favour, 'good friend aren't you Harry' he thought, mental kicking himself.

"Sure Harry what you need?"

'Good old Matt always reliable.' Harry sighed now for the tricky part.

"I need to borrow your darling." Harry said a little worried.

Matt thought hard about answering, it wasn't often he let anyone borrow his darling and he wouldn't let just anyone borrow it.

"Well I gotta hope you've been practicing at the mystery school of yours but you were always good at it, so I hope I'm leaving my darling in safe hands, just give me a sec to grab it."

Matt disappeared from view returning a few seconds later with an electric guitar in his hands.

Later that day

It was all set up, Harry had the guitar in his hand, the Dursley's had been nice enough to go out for the night, leaving Harry alone to do what he needed to do.

On the table next to Harry was a pensieve, Dumbledore had sent it to him, saying that it may come in handy, Harry didn't think he had meant for this purpose or if anyone had ever been used for this sort of thing before but didn't mind, he had set it to show a series of scenes when he tapped it with his wand.

He was ready now all he had to do was wait.

It appeared that he didn't have to wait long for about 2 minutes later a knock was heard on the door, Harry opened it to reveal Hermione, Ron, Remus, Tonks, Mr Weasley, Mrs Weasley, Professor McGonagal and to his surprise Professor Dumbledore.

Remus was the first to speak, "Now Harry I know.."

Harry cut him off, "All of you shut up for a moment" Silence, "I have something to show you" he finished.

Then he picked up his guitar and tapped the pensieve.

He started to play his voice low and amazing none had known he could sing.

"_Memories consume_

_Like opening the wound_

_I'm picking me apart again_

_You all assume_

_I'm safe here in my room_

_Unless I try to start again"_

The pensieve started showing images of Sirius falling, Harry alone in Privet Drive, him crying all shown while he sung.

"I don't want to be the one

The battles always choose

'Cause inside I realize

That I'm the one confused"

Images of him fighting Quirrel, a Basalisk, Voldemort, dementors, death eaters.

"_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_I don't know why I instigate_

_And say what I don't mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

_I know it's not alright_

_So I'm_

_Breaking the habit_

_Tonight"_

Images of him destroying Dumbledore's possessions, yelling at Hermione and Ron, him crying, calming down and finally him throwing away the letters they wrote him over the summer.

"_Clutching my cure_

_I tightly lock the door_

_I try to catch my breath again_

_I hurt much more_

_Than anytime before_

_I had no options left again"_

Images of him with the philosopher's stone, him in Privet Drive, at number 12 Grimmauld place, locking his friends out of the room. An image of him facing Voldemort after hiding behind a gravestone, it showed him bowing and facing his enemy.

"_I'll paint it on the walls_

'_Cause I'm the one at fault_

_I'll never fight again_

_And this is how it ends"_

An image was shown of him saying goodbye to everyone and going with the Dursley's back to Privet Drive.

"_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_But now I have some clarity_

_To show you what I mean_

_I don't know how I got this_

_I'll never be alright_

_So I'm_

_Breaking the habit_

_Breaking the habit_

_Tonight"_

Images flashed between Dumbledore, Voldemort, Death Eaters, the Order, Minister, Aurors and finally Hogwarts and Privet Drive.

The pensieve stopped showing images and Harry stopped playing, he looked around at all the people present, all were crying and they looked at Harry in a different light, they saw him as the 15 nearly 16 year old he was, they saw that he was just a victim of a war that started long before he was born, a war that he was dragged into, a war that had already left its scars on him.

"Now you understand."


End file.
